


put on a slow, dumb show for you

by goon



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 14:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14834189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goon/pseuds/goon
Summary: Exactly 54 days to the fact of Lucy moving out, she’s faked married and living with her temporary spouse for a week. As she learned from those nice kids in that video Winn forced her to participate in last week:it be like that sometimes.The BuzzFeed Married for a Week AU





	put on a slow, dumb show for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're looking for a nonsensical au with the very thinnest of plots and a heavy hand of adult goth lena luthor and soft jock kara danvers falling in LOVE with help from alex's girlfriend/ridiculous person lucy lane and lucy's girlfriend/exasperated always alex danvers. well, have I got a fic for you!!!

Lena’s (totally, definitely self-inflicted) death sentence begins on a sunny Wednesday afternoon. 

Not that she’s paid attention at all to the lovely summer breeze coming through the window behind her. She’s sequestered securely at her desk as usual, the unopened salad Kara bought her sitting next to a mug of lukewarm coffee Kara also bought her. Her headphones are on, securely blocking out all distractions. People buzz around her, circling like flies, but no one except a new hire with a kink for getting yelled at would bother a Luthor on a deadline.

Or so was the unspoken rule until a moment later, when she’s wrested from her editing cocoon. Lena blinks, surprised by the noise suddenly filtering into her space. Someone with a death wish has whirled her around and subsequently ripped the headphones off her head.

Lucy Lane is bent over her, eyes bright and her absolute best friend who she’s absolutely about to stab. Lena, in a bout of charity, gives her the middle finger instead of her sharpest pen in Lucy’s softest organ. She attempts to swivel back towards her desk and is stopped with a hand on either side of her arm rests.

“It’s time,” Lucy says in a voice Lena knows means “ominous” and “trouble”. She leans in until they’re practically nose to nose and produces what looks like a lace place setting from her back pocket. 

She dangles it too close to Lena’s face, then sets it daintily on top of her head. Lena swipes at it, leaning back to get a better look at the offending thing she’s holding between the tips of her index finger and thumb. She looks from it to Lucy, then back, and again. She narrows her eyes.

“What the fuck?”

 

-

 

Lucy squeezes the arm she’s had in her vice grip for the last 10 minutes once, as if it was any comfort to Lena when Lucy was the one now thrusting Lena into their circle of friends. They cheer loudly enough for Lena to wince, patting and pushing her until she’s trapped inside a wall of CatFeed employees. 

Lena’s relieved she remembered to wear sunscreen that morning, because suddenly the crowd opens up to reveal Kara standing a few steps away from her, cheesing so hard Lena feels like a yoked up sun is beating her up. Despite her reluctance to participate, Lena still can’t help but grin as soon as they make eye contact - even a grump like herself isn’t immune to the immensity of the Danvers charm. 

Kara, who has a lace monstrosity clipped into her hair and draped over her unfairly beautiful face, is holding a cheap ten dollar bouquet Lena recognizes as the bodega flowers Vas always buys when she’s forgotten to get someone a present.

A similar arrangement is forced into her hands as Lucy pushes her on unwilling feet, shoving her in front of Kara and taking her place just under the prop arch someone had taken time to stick fake flowers to. 

From behind the camera set up in front of their little ceremony, Sam gives her a big ol’ thumbs up, shooting them the cue they've begun rolling. Lena narrows her eyes at her, knowing for certain the footage of her open-mouthed surprise from elevator to parking lot will make it into the final cut; Arias is a cheeky asshole.

Lena shakes her flowers at no one in particular to emphasize her disgruntlement. She grimaces at the rose petals that flutter to the ground. “This is actual insanity, you goons.”

No one pays her any mind but Kara, who winks at her. Her frown deepens, if that was possible, as Lucy flicks her lightly on the shoulder with her iPad. A glimpse of the open bible app makes Lena roll her eyes.

“Happy fake marriage day!” Kara says, wiggling perfect eyebrows at her.

“This is ridiculous.” Lena rubs at where Lucy likely left a bruise. She actually feels bad when Kara’s grin droops, eyes flickering down to the half-assed roses in her hands, then back to hers. 

She about melts into a guilty goo when she sees how glossy they’ve gotten. It’s totally a trick, but Kara has so many _feelings_ and Lena wants to hurt _none of them_. She bites her lip, stuck between Kara’s rock hard abs and an unfathomably harder place.

It's not like she has much of a choice anyway. Everybody (including dumb gay Lena herself) knows it’s only a matter of time when Kara gives her that look.

She sighs. “You’re not playing fair.”

“Marriage is about compromise,” Kara says proudly, reaching over to right the makeshift veil that’s beginning to droop off Lena’s head.

As she’s experienced nearly everyday for the last few years, Kara’s grin immediately loosens the tightness Lena didn’t know she had in her chest. She grabs Lena’s hand and laces their fingers together.

Vas and Winn “awww” much too loudly in the background; Lena knows it’s so the audio will get picked up. Lucy clears her throat and quiets the giggles gripping the group. She holds her fake bible up. 

“Ready to get hitched?” she asks.

Lena swallows, helpless as her heart rate speeds up beyond her control and her hand starts getting sweaty. She never sweats.

“If we must.”

“Don’t fall in love with me, Lena.” Kara says. Her extremely exaggerated wink is cute if unnecessary. The camera will love it, but only Lena knows they watched that stupid movie together on her stupid couch only last week. 

She tugs at Lena’s hand and pulls her closer than any 2 friends need to be in 86 degree weather. It’s something Lena’s discovered many years ago to be a typical Kara “boundary decimating machine” Danvers behavior. Kara has tried and succeeded in cuddling her in conditions warranting exactly 0% close contact over (give or take) 6 million times since they’ve met. She taught Lena what touch-starved meant before she even knew she _was_.

Which naturally translates into everyone in the office knowing only 2 and a half people are allowed to touch her for more than 10 seconds: Lucy because of redacted reasons, Kara because she’s Kara and Alex in spirit, because their venn diagram of people they love looks exactly the same.

And then Kara goes and does The thing - the one where she gives Lena a look of what her brain always tells her is _adoration_. Her pulse immediately charts an upward trajectory that makes her feel like she’s just jumped off the roof of their building. How has no one realized she might actually die from this? How has her brain not learned to interpret Kara’s friendship as just that? Has she ever told anyone she wants to be cremated?

She rips her hand out of Kara’s and refuses to look her in the eye. It starts to feel too real, all at once. In a final act of defiance, she throws her bouquet at James in the crowd, which of course, misses the mark completely. 

“You may now kiss the bride.”

 

-

 

“Hi, I’m Lena and I went through too many years of higher education to do this,” Lena deadpans into the camera. Alex shoots her a wry smile.

She shrugs, and continues to shoot. “I do want to share my life with someone one day, absolutely. It’s not been my priority in a long time.”

She looks at Alex, who blinks at her and smiles or smirks and Lena can never ever tell but they mean completely different things. She stares for several seconds and Alex stares back.

Lena takes a too long, too deep breath, which gets cut in the first edit.

Alex says nothing. Lena looks back at the camera and says, “This feels strange, because it is absolutely the strangest thing I’ve ever been paid to do. But I guess if I’m being forced to marry someone, marrying my best friend really is far from the worst case scenario.”

Alex snorts.

 

-

 

Day 1 begins with Kara moving into Lena’s apartment. Kara had insisted it be Lena’s and spent an hour the day before making weak justifications about condo to work distance. Lena agreed because she’s stupid for any request Kara has for her, even when she knows it’s because Kara is obsessed with her mattress, which she says is like sleeping on a cloud. It’s from IKEA and Lena’s told her so, even offering to go buy the same one with her. 

At the door, she’s tempted to ask if Kara wants to be carried past the threshold, but considering the effects of carrying Kara and holding her like that gives her a migraine, so she refrains.

Kara obviously reads her mind. “Aren’t you going to carry me past the threshold?” she asks. Her mischievous little smile has the same effect on Lena’s stomach as spicy foods, minus the diarrhea.

“You’re 80 times stronger than me, look at these,” Lena deflects. She makes a point to grip and squeeze Kara’s impressive biceps. Kara has the decency to blush but still manages to flex for her despite it. Lena rolls her eyes.

Kara chuckles, gripping her suitcase tightly. She waits for Lena to unlock the blue door she helped paint; the doorway to their pseudo married life. Sighing, Lena sticks her key in and tries to pretend like Lucy isn’t on the other side with a camera, like maybe this isn’t all just fiction.

As soon as the door swings open, Kara rolls all her luggage in with a cute little ta—da! 

She hums and haws as if it’s her first time at Lena’s - when in fact she was just there the other night, cuddled up on Lena’s splurge of a couch, watering her plants and gossiping about everyone in the office. 

Lucy gives them a quick thumbs up, walking backwards to keep them fully on screen as they move deeper into the apartment.

With a twirl, Kara dramatically surveys the living room. “Great place, honey.”

Lena ignores the cutesy nickname, even though she kind of likes it. 

“You’re acting like you’ve never been here before.” She takes Kara’s tote from off her shoulder and walks to an area before the carpet of her foyer slash living room turns into the tile of her small kitchen.

She points to a large reddish brown blotch at her feet, both for the camera and Kara. Lucy zooms in. “Look, that’s the stain from when you dropped a plate of pasta last week. Honestly.” 

Lucy directs the camera back in time for Lena to look straight into the lens, giving it her classic audience-recognized look of exasperation. 

Kara laughs and Lena watches her cross over to the kitchen to grab her mug because why wouldn’t she have her own goddamn mug in Lena’s actual home. 

“You’re the one who dropped pasta on your carpet, I’m the one who caught the plate midair like a beautiful ballerina. 

“Liar!" Lena counters, pointing a finger in accusation. She continues with a grin, "But you are a beautiful ballerina. 

Kara beams at her, the kind that seems to take up her entire face and is powerful enough to inspire legions of fans to click on any video with her in the thumbnail.

“Aw! Thanks, pickles!”

 

-

 

Lucy sticks around for a few more hours, getting shots of them making lunch and pretending to acclimate to married life. She taps out when Alex comes to pick her up, which then results in Alex being pulled inside because Kara hasn’t seen her in 4 hours and gosh, they should have dinner together!

So Lena ends up in her kitchen watching Lucy hammer some chicken or whatever. She really volunteers to help only so she can glare at her ex- best friend in peace.

“Stop being grumpy,” Lucy says, sprinkling some spice Lena didn’t even know she had in her cupboards.

A giggle from her living room draws Lena’s attention towards the Danvers’ huddling on her couch - likely conspiring. Kara has her phone in her hand pointed at herself in selfie mode, speaking just quietly enough so Lena can’t eavesdrop. She takes the time to admire how cute Kara’s expressions are as she explains whatever it is she’s planning, gesticulating and pulling at her sister. As if on cue, Kara rears back with a laugh and Alex smiles (smirks?) with satisfaction - definitely conspiring.

Lucy pulls her back with a slam of the fridge, popping open a bottle of soy sauce Lena’s never seen before and pouring generously into a bowl.

“That’s a lot of sodium and I can’t believe you did this to me,” she says, eyeing the amount of crushed garlic Lucy adds.

“It’s low sodium and it totally wasn’t my idea, which I’m mad about.”

“Then whose was it?”

Lucy chooses to ignore her to concentrate on slowly pouring her concoction onto the chicken. It’s the making-Lena-wait-until-she-gets-pissed game Lucy loves to play. 

Lena taps her foot until finally, with the bowl empty and the chicken soy, Lucy turns to face her, only to smugly say, “I’m not at liberty to spill the beans.”

Lena narrows her eyes. “You’re the senior producer from hell.”

“Thank you, babe.”

“That wasn’t a compliment!”

Lucy grins and sticks out her tongue and proceeds to wash her hands much too thoroughly. Lena crosses her arms and channels the aura of a 15 year old goth girl from 1998. “It’s an opportunity you should probably take advantage of,” Lucy says, scrubbing under her nails.

“Don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

Lucy turns off the faucet and without drying her hands or giving Lena a chance to fight her off, grips Lena’s shoulders seriously. “That argument would have more weight if you didn’t cry about Kara to me literally any time you have more than 2 drops of wine in you, my sweet little moron,” she says.

Lena doesn’t even bother to struggle as Lucy wipes herself off on her sleeves, just picks the wet fabric off her skin when Lucy is done. “My shoulders are wet. Have you told Alex?"

“We both know that I know that you know that Alex knows.”

“I should’ve never told you Alex thought you were cute.”

Lucy scoffs, steps up to Lena and pokes her chest hard. “Excuse you, I literally made out with Alex the first time we met.”

“Ew.”

“Ew yourself, you friend-zoned yourself so hard that you’re married to Kara and you haven’t even kissed her yet,” Lucy whispers with unexpected decency. Lena sneaks a glance at the Danvers’, still in their own world.

She doesn’t look away when she says, “The friend-zone is sexist and doesn’t exist.”

“It does for you, idiot,” Lucy says, the finger against her chest pressing harder until it hurts enough that Lena actually yelps and brushes Lucy’s arm away.

“I have a masters degree!”

Lucy looks utterly unimpressed. “And I have a girlfriend, now help me with the salad.”

 

-

 

Lena does help Lucy with the salad, but decides to stay cranky because she’s spent years cultivating her grouchy grandpa-of-the-group persona, and no one can take that away from her.

Plus Alex and Lucy are lowkey making out in her kitchen in the guise of getting drinks, which is gross. She sits down next to Kara, who is trying her hardest not to know what’s going on in front of her food and instead, turns her phone in Lena’s direction.

"They’re the most married couple I know,” she says.

“Kind of disgusting considering they’re not married,” is Lena’s sardonic response. 

Kara laughs and turns off her camera app, leans over in the most conspicuous way possible and asks, “Did Lucy say something mean to you, piglet?”

Lena raises an eyebrow at her. Kara shrugs one shoulder and keeps it up, looking sheepish.

“I’m trying a thing.”

“A farm thing or a Winnie the Pooh thing?”

“Give it a chance!”

Lena smiles, can’t help herself really, and says, “Try again, mon cheri, and no, Lucy didn’t say something mean to me. She’s just being Lucy.”

“Ooh, I like the french! Want me to get Alex to yell at her?”

Lena pretends to consider it, then vigorously nods her approval. “Oui, ma femme.”

Kara grins, puts her hand over her eyes and shifts, speaking loudly into the general direction of the kitchen, “Alex, can you yell at Lucy for being mean to my wife?”

Lena’s heart pounds at the callous use of the word “wife”. She holds still and they wait. A suspicious pause follows, some shuffling, then a loud, “No.”

“Ok,” Kara says. She shifts again and looks apologetically at Lena. “Sorry, sexy french lady.”

Lena leans back in her chair and blinks. “Wow.”

 

-

 

Even though Lucy is genuinely the most annoying person in Lena’s life she’s also the top 3 most important. When they finish dinner, Lena doesn’t want her to go. Still, she and Kara wave Lucy and Alex off with long hugs and casual love you’s. When the door shuts, Kara is standing there, looking at her.

“You’re looking at me,” she says.

“Do you miss her?” Kara asks.

“Who? Lucy? She literally just left, I could open the door and see her walking to her car.”

Kara gives her a sad knowing look, steps into her space without hesitation and wraps her arms around Lena. Lena hugs back, and she’s gotten so good at it. “It’s ok,” she says into the crook of Lena’s neck. Lena closes her eyes and refuses the shiver building in her spine. “She’s still your Lucy, just like Alex is still my Alex.”

Right, Kara always knows, just like Lucy always knows. 

Just like Lena knew when Lucy met Alex they’d do something inconvenient like fall in love, that someday she’d move out, or Alex would move in. Up until 3 months ago, Lena was still hoping for the latter.

She’s living alone for the first time in 5 years. Exactly 54 days to the fact of Lucy moving out, she’s faked married and living with her temporary spouse for a week. As she learned from those nice kids in that video Winn forced her to participate in last week: _it be like that sometimes_.

The thing is, her heart knows Lucy didn’t abandon her, as evidenced by the abundance of messages they exchange on the daily, how they still see each other every weekend, and the fact that they’re desk mates at work. It’s just Lena’s brain, stubborn and strong, trained to expect the worst.

Lena pushes her face into Kara’s neck and doesn’t care when Kara squeezes her a little too hard in response.

Day 1 ends with an embrace in her foyer that lasts so long eventually they’re both too sweaty and dehydrated to hold up. 

Kara retreats to get ready for bed after properly hydrating. Lena leans against one of her kitchen counters, sips her glass of water and pulls out her phone. She stares at it, unlocks it and goes on twitter, then instagram, then goes on youtube and clicks on her saved playlist of vine compilations. 

The eternal loops entertain and distract her until her phone gives her a 10% battery warning. She locks it, puts it back in her pocket and rinses her glass in the sink. She’s flicked off the light and is halfway to her bedroom before she’s pulling her phone out again. With a frustrated noise, she types Lucy a message.

_Miss you, nerd. Really glad you’re happy. Love you._

With that, she feels lighter. Though when she walks into her bedroom and Kara’s already in bed with her glasses off Lena’s heart feels like it has indigestion. 

She staunchly ignores any fluffy feelings and plugs her phone into her bedside jack before climbing in with Kara. Facing the wall, she whispers goodnight. In the dark, Kara shuffles closer until she’s got an arm around Lena’s waist, pulling her gently until they’re front to back.

It takes Lena another hour before she calms down enough to consider sleep. She relaxes and begins counting Kara’s rhythmic breaths against the back of her neck.

On the fuzzy cusp of slumber, a faint buzz pushes Lena into a sweet dream she doesn’t remember the next morning.

_Miss you too, Lee. You’re gonna be just as happy, you know. Love you._

 

-

 

“Lena and I have been best friends for almost 3 years now and she’s the best person I've ever known," Kara says, eyes popping against the blue backdrop. “Other than Alex, of course.”

Her sister makes a noise of disbelief behind the camera that translates pretty clearly through audio and makes Kara giggle. She quickly scrolls through the phone in her hand, grinning when she finds the picture she's looking for and shows the camera. It's a selfie of her and Lena, her arms encircling the other girl and Lena kissing her cheek.

"She's my ride and die, the Lucy to my Alex, the love of my life and being fake married to her is just like what it's always like between us." 

Kara pauses, her eyebrows knitting together briefly. She blinks, smiles again when she remembers the camera still trained on her.

"Yeah.” She nods.

Later, Kara asks Lucy to edit out the last 30 seconds of her talking head.


End file.
